A Melting Princess' Journal

Final Decision.

2006-06-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Bad news.

I've decided to move over to LiveJournal.com...

I made the pro/con list and the pros of going to LiveJournal out numbered staying here at BlogSpot.com...

The reason?

I find myself not posting things that... I kinda wish I did or could but I don't because I'm always afraid of a family member finding my blog. I've had this happen once before and it wasn't pretty. I still have no clue who it was but I do know they shared what I wrote with my mother.

The whole point of my blog... is to help with stress. I'll type anything at any givin moment just so I don't go to the fridge. It's helped in the past and I feel that if I go to *some* private journals... It'll help me again.

Here's my new link...

http://meltingprincess.livejournal.com/

I also want to say -- In order to read my *private* blog entries... You'll have to make an account with LiveJoural.com. I'm sorry for that. :-(

Hope to see ya'll over there!

Decisions.

2006-06-10T02:29:00.000-07:00

I need help ya'll...

I'm trying to make a decision on whether I should stay at blogspot.com or move to livejournal.com...

Now...

I love blogspot.com because your able to put cute layouts and such up...

BUT... I love the idea of being able to make *some* private posts in livejournal.com...

I don't know what to do... Is there any other blogging programs out there that allows you to have password or private posts? I'm not so blog-smart when it comes to these type of things...

So... any advice would be fantastic!

Thanks!

As the world turns...

2006-06-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

Life seems to be getting a little better and that makes me a very happy girl...

I have so much to update... So... Here it goes...

My friend SuperDan & I have started talking again... He added me back to his myspace and LJ... Talking to him again, in a odd way... makes things better... makes things like they were 2 weeks ago...

What can I say? I hate change! Which only means, I hated not talking to him! But I did learn a few things about myself during the 2 weeks all of this drama was going on and I think it'll be easy for me to improve on them...

Also...

During those 2 weeks... Kevin was looking up old friends on myspace and to be quite honest with you... I had no idea you could do that until he explained it to me! And get this... I was able to track down my old best friend from Michigan! We've been talking non-stop... It's so amazing you can go 12'ish years with no contact and in the matter of a few days... it's right back to the good ol days.

I love it.

We've even talked about... possibly getting an apartment together in January. I've been looking to move anyhow and her lease is up at the end of the year! We also figured out that my grandma, aunts, uncles only live about 15-20 minutes from her... So maybe I could re-connect with them since I've had to go so many years with out them.

I'm not completely sure this is what I'm going to do.... But it's something to keep in mind... I'll most likely be visiting Michigan this summer to spend time with my Grandmother... if that doesn't happen, I'll fly up there at the end of the summer and spend time with Leslie and my Grandma It'll be fantastic! :-)

And maybe our other friend, Tammy will be able to fly up from Florida and visit us too!

Oh wait - I didn't add that part! I not only found Leslie an old neighbor/best friend but it seems as though after all these years that Leslie and Tammy had become friends also. Tammy was actually my younger next door neighbor... Leslie was a few houses down.

So... I was reunited with 2 old friends. Heh. It's so awsome!

Now... on to a weight-loss update...

I've been cutting down on what I'm eating... Not 100% on track but cutting down and I'm pretty sure I've lost a few more pounds. I'm kinda afraid to get on the scale and then get all wacky about the numbers.

However, I keep noticeing my skin is becoming... wrinkling in some areas... it's kinda gross but at the same time it shows I've lost a bit of weight. I can't wait for plastics/hernia repair!

Today...

2006-06-06T23:13:00.000-07:00

Boy, I missed my silly monkey...
I missed him so much... that I bought him a pool!

Doesn't he look like the happinest kid on earth?

By the way, he was in the process of splashing me during this picture and telling me to... "Yeah! Get in the pool! But you have to take your clothes off first Katie!"

Kids.

They're... So silly... So carefree...

I love my silly monkey.

Of course, my clothes were soaked but I didn't care...

Today.

Today was a good day.

Now... I just wish I could change some things.

Have you ever had someone tell you something... that completely surprised you because it was never your attentions. But it could change everything. Everything that means so much to you. Everything that you think deep down is what you want.

How do you change your mistake? How do you make them realize that's not what you met?

*sigh*

I wish the tears would stop falling.
I wish sometimes life was as carefree as my nephew makes it.

I wish I could go back and change things or atleast... some of the things I've said.

*sigh*

Only time will tell...

Edit: I don't know why, but all the lines seem to be chopped up and mis-placed. I'm to tired to try and fix it. Good Night.

:-(

2006-06-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

I feel like a dork.

He deleted me.
He didn't stand up for me.
He allowed some chick, he only knew for a few days to delete me from his life.
He, in other words, throw our friendship down the drain without even saying a word to me.
and...
It kinda feels like he doesn't even give a fuck about what he did...

But yet...

I miss my friend. I really do.

I mean... We were really close...
Atleast, as close as two friends can be online.

*sigh*

I dunno what else to say...

Dear Tess...

2006-06-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

Below is a recent conversation between Bob & I... If he still doesn't buy you an ice cream... Please let me know because then I'll have to keep the sex withheld from him... It'll be such a shame!

Bhahaha... :-)

He thinks I'm kidding too... but I'm completely serious!

~~~~
Bob: that, and Tess responded to your comments on my blog
Katie: get that women some ice cream man!
Bob: wha?
Bob: oh... her.
Katie: yes
Bob: she don't need ice cream...
Katie: :-O
Katie: excuss me?
Bob: she talks down to me when she does my transition.
Bob: she says she can do that... i never talked down to her
Katie: WTF - I'd talk down to your ass too if I was 6 months preganat.
Bob: well, she shouldn't do that.
Katie: Buy her an ice cream or an ice cold iceee!
Katie: I'm so posting this on your blog!
Bob: posting what?
Katie: this part of the conversation...
Bob: post this on your blog...
Bob: she reads it.
Katie: your a being a big ol meanie!
Katie: Does she really?
Bob: she said she does.
Katie: Buy her some ice cream, just cause she reads my blog... but tell her she should comment sometime!
Bob: when i mentioned you wanting to get to know her better, she said, "she never posted on her blog that she did."
Katie: well... I didn't want to step on anyones toes!
Bob: whose toes are you stepping on?
Katie: ya'lls.
Bob: nah
Bob: no toe stepping here
Katie: okay then - go buy her some ice cream or I'm gonna have to like... withold sex or something... bhahaha.
Bob: hmm
Bob: fine
Katie: fine, what?
Bob: i'll buy her a damned ice cream
Bob: but know this
Katie: yes?
Bob: she doesn't truly deserve it.
Katie: oh yes she does!

Ahh!

2006-06-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I started classes... but the school isn't allowing us to start until Wednesday because some folks are still being entered into the system. Frustrating!

However, today was also the day... I was getting back on track! I started out well, with a creamy yummy chocolate slim-fast. Then about 4 hours later I eye'ed a box of cheez-it's.

Damn me.

Tomorrow will be better. It has to be better. I can over come this. Plus, a few cheez-it's isn't going to ruin the whole day, correct?

Anyhow...

It's going on 3 weeks since I saw my nephew! :-( I miss my silly monkey. I got so use to him staying here most of the week.

*shrug*

I miss my friend too. I wish I could understand why... why things happened the way they did...

Foster Kiddo's...

2006-06-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

I found this post card over on the post secret blog... and I gotta say this post card really hits home with me...

But it's also kinda odd that it was posted this weekend... last Thursday night I watched an ABC special about foster children in america. It really broke my heart to see all those children misplaced without any parents or anyone to care for/love them.

So... I started to do some research online to see what it takes to be a foster parent. I couldn't be one right now, but I do believe it's a goal I could work towards.

-$800

2006-06-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

eight hundred dollars.
$800.
$.8.0.0.dollars.
eight-hundred-bucks.
$800-freakin-dollars.

Ahhh!

That's how much 2 classes online costs this summer.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I only have $290 bucks left, that I was saving for a car.

Go. Freakin. Me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

Have I said "Fuck!", yet?

Oh well... This is for the best, RIGHT? Come Fall semester, I'll have my funding back and about $4,000 bucks to put towards a car. Plus, I'll have ALL summer to drive my parents car for practice.

So... It still works out at the end! Right? RIGHT!

Plus, it also gives me all summer without car... to put my mind towards getting A's in these 2 classes to bring up my GPA too. So, in the long run everything works out for the best.

I just have to deal with being stuck here for another 2 months. 2 months, isn't all that bad. I've done it for 25 years. 2 months is like... nothing.

Now, I have until Monday to be a lazy bum... What should I do? Other then sit half-naked, wishing to the Sun-Gods that it would cool off and not make me sweat in places that I didn't know I could sweat.

Oh how I love summer time weather. *Gag*

I just don't give a...

2006-05-31T10:31:00.000-07:00

This is truly how I feel today... and you know what? It's the way it *needs* to be.

I need to worry about me.
I need to worry about my health.
I need to worry about my life.

It's about Me. Me. and Me.

I need to get back to that person I was the day of surgery. I need to find that place deep inside me that wants to succeed with this weight-loss and life. And just stop giving the fuck what every one else wants from me.

Because you know what? At the end it's all about what makes ME being happy...

And you know what else? It's time to go through my life and delete the people that make me bypass what's important to me or cause drama to me... Basically, everything that is negative.

And I'm really working on that... slowly.

Tomorrow, I'll be taking the learner's permit test. Then hopefully in 2 weeks I'll have my drivers license. This alone will be a huge thing. A huge change. Something that I believe will change my attitude and freedom. Wish me luck.

I'm also looking for an apartment - Away from parents. Away from the brother's drama.

I also need to get my ass back in school. This summer. As in tomorrow.

I can do this.
I'm a stubborn ass redhead.
I don't give up.

Plus, it's all about me.

I think I like this new attitude. :-)

Tina & Mandy

2006-05-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

I have a few things to say, to both of you...

But first - I want to explain why I'm posting this pitty bull shit on my blog, rather then e-mailing it to Dan. The reasons are nicely listed below...

-No one can say it was copy or pasted wrong.
-No one can say something was deleted or added.
-It's just easier for me.

Last but not least - Did ya'll enjoy high school so much, you carry on this pitty bull shit as you grow up? If so, it's kinda sad.

Second - I'll be the first to fully admit.. I don't agree with the whole relationship but guess what? That has nothing to do with Dan & My past. Not one damn thing. Go around and ask anyone what they think about saying, "I Love You" to someone after only talking once, online. I'm sure most of them will say the same thing as I did.

Hell the whole, "I want to marry him"... even gives me the creeps. Then again, people that rush into shit like this is the reason people are divorced so early in life.

And no matter what happened between Dan & I -- I don't want to see him hurt, Ever. He's a good guy but I do realize he needs to make his own mistakes and learn from them. That's what dating is all about, afterall.

Now the thing that's really pissing me off...

Is the fact because I instant messaged Tina, to see how she was... because of her yahoo message saying she wants to scream because no one is listening to her (I'm pretty sure that was her words, I may not have it completely correct!) that you BOTH just assume that I'm out to cause drama.

WTF, women.

Neither of you know me.

I've got a TXT message, from Dan saying "Your so straight forward, That's one thing I love about you!" -- So tell me, why the fuck would I start causing drama now? I've never done it in the past and I sure in the hell am not going to start now.

And ya know what? Just because I've not talked to Dan since all this happened -- Again, doesn't mean I was after information from you. Trust me, IF I was even going to do that... You'd be the LAST person I'd go to. No offense.

AND if I wanted to be a REAL bitch - I'd just call Meg, I have her number but I'm not that type of girl. Never will be and sure in the hell am not going to start now.

So... your whole bull shit about deleting me off Dan's myspace was real... immature. What are you so afraid of? You got him. Go you. Now try not to hurt him. And stop trying to control him. Relationships don't work that way.

Plus, I know Dan - Quite well. I know how badly he wants a relationship. He'll do anything you say but ya know what dear? One day he's going to wake up and grow some fuckin balls and stop doing what everyone tells him to do and follow his own god damn advice.

And I'd bet you anything... It won't be into your arms IF you keep controling him.

Controling someone, doesn't make a relationship. It only allows one person to be happy while the other is suffering. If that's what you call love... damn. I hate to be the people in your life.

And I know your probably thinking... "Oh I just made him delete you!", but what's next? What in his life are you going to hate next... That makes you bitch and bitch about it until he deletes it or puts it away or changes. What? Huh?

Think about it...

And I hope your happy... that you ruined a great friendship... because no matter what would of happened between him and I before you came along... we would of always been friends but your not allowing that to happen because for god knows what reason your afraid or jealous or whatever.

And by the way - just so you BOTH know... The reason I hadn't talked to Dan since all this happened was to give us BOTH time to cool off and think clearly... and mostly because I was in a PMS'in mood... Which if you read the blog post below this one, you'll see with your own eyes that again, I wasn't making it up.

Fuck.

2006-05-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm hot.
I'm sweaty.
I'm pms'ing.
I'm frustrated.
I'm pissed off.
I'm hungery.
I'm pms'ing a week'ish early.

And.

The central air is NOT on, yet.

I'm about ready to tell everyone to just, Fuck Off.
Especially, the brother living here for free.

Maybe.
Just maybe I should get away for a few days.

100 Things About Me...

2006-05-27T02:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm a natural redhead.
I was born in Michigan.
Until the parents dragged us to Tennessee.
I believe it was the worst mistake they've ever made.
I have 2 older brothers.
Both are older then me.
I'm an Aunt to the most beautiful boy, ever.
I call him a "silly monkey" - He doesn't care for the nickname.
I'm aquarius.
I think I live up to that sign, quite well.
I don't really believe in horscopes but there fun to read.
I had gastric bypass surgery - March 24, 2004.
I've lost 250 pounds to date.
I still have alot more to loss and I'll get there in due time.
I started blogging around the time I decided to have surgery.
Blogging has become my therepy, so to speak.
I'm very stubborn.
I'm also far to honest - I think it hurts me in the long run.
I don't have many friends.
I also don't trust very easily.
For such a young age - I'm completely to set in my ways.
I don't care for change.
I love a clean house.
I'm hard of hearing.
I'd love to learn sign language.
Favorite color = Purple.
Favorite flower = Daisy.
I worry far to much.
I love my family.
Although, there is somedays I wish I lived in another state.
I don't smoke.
I actually hate cigarettes.
If I date a smoker, I'll make him brush his teeth before I kiss him.
I've never done drugs, ever.
I've thought about doing weed but then talk myself out of it.
Ice cream is my comfort food.
I've had my ears pierced since the day I came home from the hospital.
I have baby pictures to prove it.
I wish my life was different.
And I know, it can be with alot of work.
I don't really understand why people read my blog.
I live a pretty simple and somewhat boring life.
I'm a college student.
Major - Accounting & Computer Science.
Someday, I'll finish the degree.
I get nervous during tests and forget the information.
Which is why I love online classes - You can use the book.
Then again, it's a time'ed test... Which makes me even more nervous.
I don't like talking on the phone.
I also hate calling people, I feel like I'm bothering them.
Which, also probably makes me a bad friend.
I'm a text messaging whore.
I get hurt, easily.
I'm far to ticklish.
I love to cuddle.
I hate when strangers touch me.
If you come up behind me and I don't realize it... I'll most likely scream.
I hate bugs. and mice. and snakes. and lizards.
I love white chocolate. Mmm.
Trust is a huge thing with me - Once you screw up, buh bye.
I believe you should be treated, the same way you treat others.
It's all about Karma, baby.
I also believe if you make a promise, you should keep it. Period.
Always respect people around you.
I'm far to judgmental at times and I'm working on not being one.
But in the world we live in... It's kinda hard.

... this is all I can think of at the moment.

Much needed rant...

2006-05-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well...
Here's a much needed rant, atleast on my part... And there's actually a few things that I need to get off my chest...

-My weight loss
-Family, mostly my nephew (The silly monkey)
-Cousin's wedding
-Kevin (Which my blog readers know as Bob)
-Dan (Which my blog readers know as SuperDan, then again - I've never talked about him)

So...

First off - I've not been doing well with the weight loss. If I would admit to some of my WLS buddies the things I've been eating... They're jaws would probably drop open and be pretty damn surprised. Of course, this needs to stop... NOW... before I start gaining weight and ya know, that's not what I need right now.

Especially with my feet almost to the point of feeling better. Thank goodness. Well... unless my toes going numb is normal, then I guess that isn't completely healed, huh?

However, my mom and I were talking... we finally realized why my knees are killing me... it's because of all the skin hanging off them... It only makes sense, huh? I can't get that taken care of until I loss atleast 70-80 pounds because lets face it... a girl my size is never gonna get past 200 pounds. I know this and I'm fine with it. I never had the surgery to be super skinny or beautiful... I had it because I wanted to be some-what healthy and be able to get on the floor with my nephew.

Which that brings us to my next topic... I may not see the nephew for quite awhile... Which breaks my heart... His mother and grandmother decided to sue my brother for the pick-up truck...

Now let me tell ya something -- My brother helped pay off that truck and when it was paid off he took over driving it, sold his car to buy a *family* car for Monkey & 2 face bitch EX.... Which she crashed last summer... didn't pay her insurance... and then walked away from it... Leaving the brother with the after fees of the car.

Great, huh?

Now he doesn't have a truck... Which means no ride to work... Which means no money... It's such a lovely cycle, huh?

YET... The 2 face bitch EX... wants him to be able to babysit on the drop of a hat because she has plans with her new found lesbian/gay buddies. (Now, please don't think I'm bashing this lifestyle becaus I'm not... It's just the situation, the entire situation and her lies. lots of her lies!)

Great, huh?

I swear, some people shouldn't be allowed to have children and I hate to say it, but she's one of them... Not one time does anyone of them think of the child. The monkey. The person that's getting hurt the most in this entire situation.

Bastards.

Did I mention... How much I miss him? *sigh*

Now...

About Kevin... The weekend went well... It was great meeting him... but when he went home things got kinda... well rocky. Which is mainly my fault... I got confused. Very confused. Then allowed the fat girl in me to over rule so many things. Then instead of listening to myself... I listened to what everyone else was trying to tell me.

Stupid. I know.

Which brings up the whole mess with, Super Dan... His best friend txt'ed me saying, "Dump that guy and Date Dan!"... Then a few friends of mine asked how come I never brought him up before in the past. And really, I'm not so sure why I didn't.

But the whole week - I stayed confused, not knowing what to do or what to say because on one hand - I have this guy that's completely smittened with me and I gotta be honest, I've never really had that before. Then on the other hand I have everyone telling me to go with Dan.

It was strange.

But Kevin finally forced the truth out of me the other night... That kinda sucked... but the true colors of Dan started to show... Sure, folks said I should date him and he seemed to agree but at the moment... I needed a friend. That's all I was asking for but he was to busy.

Had I done that to him... left him hanging because I was to busy flirting with whomever... He would of been pissed and went into his depressed mood he gets of poor me...

I've seen this happen before but I let go... but you know what? You can't have it both ways... You can't have a friend that gives and gives and gives but yet you never return the friendship... It doesn't work that way and I was to blind to see it before... actually I did see it before but I ignored it because I just figured I wasn't worth it or whatever the fat girl in my head decided that day.

And the thing is... I do deserve it... I deserve to be treated the same way that I treat you... And I do realize we all fuck up sometimes... but sometimes to many fuck ups just hurts...

What's even funnier about this whole thing is -- He now has a girlfriend, that he's talked to 1 day online... That's who he was so busy with that he couldn't comfort a friend.

Isn't that lovely? I hope it works out for the best, for both of them. Because know matter what, it opened my eyes up to so many other things...

Plus, what kinda man takes money from a single mother of 2 children... so he wouldn't have to pay for the trip to go see her? I mean, honestly. (I know I should bite my tongue here but hey, I'm a redhead... I never... rarely bit my tongue!)

Anyhow, after all this drama - I'm glad that Kevin was so understanding. I'm a lucky girl for that. And ya know another thing... After we got through all this mess and my confussion... I'm surprised on how much I actually missed talking to him. We can be such goofs at times but ya know what? It's fun... It's what makes us, US... and I'm glad we're able to go back to that again.

Now...

My cousin's wedding... Check out the picture and see how beautiful she is... I'm so happy for her but when I look at the picture... I can't help to wonder if I'll ever be that happy? She's a lucky girl because look at the groom... He's on cloud 7...

From my understanding... from what my mother said... no one in our family will ever be able to top this wedding... Which she's probably right... They had MICKEY MOUSE show up to dance for awhile! How neat is that?

I wish them both the world of happiness... I just wish things had been different... That she didn't ignore me the entire 8 months of planning... That she would of been more upfront with me... and that I had been there for her wedding day.

I also wish... I'd of atleast met the Groom/Mr. Hubby before she got married but oh well... things happen when you live in different states, with different lives, and etc...

Leave your name and...

2006-05-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

I, sorta, got tagged for this over on Super Dan's blog! Enjoy!

Anyhow, I'll update more later... Alots been going on and I just don't know how to deal with it at the moment or well... write about it.

~~~~~
1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll name something we should do together.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must (please) post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

~~~~~
Only SuperDan asked:
1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
~Your a pretty nice guy, want you want to be.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
~I don't remember the title... but a song by Staind. About trying to figure out his life.
3. I'll name something we should do together.
~Make a homemade pizza!!! Movies, a walk, just talk... pretty much anything.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
~To many to pick from -- Massages, Txt messages, BJ's with peanut butter... lol
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
~The night we met... you told me all about Marick and your Valentine's plans. You made it pretty clear if I had talked to you sooner, things would be different.
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
~Right now - "Like the pot calling the kettle black."
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
~Hmm... there's really not that much because we always talked about, everything. Then again, why did you add me to myspace? what made you keep talking to me all those months?
8. If I do this for you, you must (please) post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.
~Already did - I got it from you.

Out with the old....

2006-05-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

Remember a few weeks ago...
When I was in love with Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream?!? Oh... I'm sure ya'll remember! I'm to sad to say that... I think the love has been replaced with something else...

I copied this little quote from another blog on google...

They have the same, familiar candy shell as the classic milk chocolate candies, but lighter in color and filled with a smooth white chocolate. The chocolate was very creamy and made a perfect contrast to the crisp coating. They were a bit sweeter than regular M&Ms, but they were also more satisfying.

Mmm....
I love M&M's...
I love white chocolate...
It's like heaven in a bag...
Really...

I'm so in love...

Some good news...

2006-05-14T03:39:00.000-07:00

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

A'righty - I woke up around 4 am... Wide awake. Fun times. However, I finally decided on a template... atleast for now. Hope ya'll like it!

Bad Mornings...

2006-05-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

Grr...

Happy 50th post!

Then again... there's nothing "Happy" about this morning....

Ever had one of those mornings where... everything is going WRONG, then you just kinda snap and yell at the wrong people? That was my morning...

You know, I pay close to $90 bucks a month for a cell phone... but I can't ever use the freakin thing IN MY HOUSE. What's the fuckin point?

Then, you roll over to wake up... and you find ants... yes, ANTS... I've bought traps, sprays, everything... I can't freakin get rid of them! Ever since Brian moved in this has been a problem!

Then, I put my hearing aid in... and I hear this Buzzzzzzzzzz'ing sound... Which, of course, I can't find my home phone...

Mom walks in... starts asking me questions... Ugh... To freakin early to ask questions... especially when there's a goddamn buzz'ing noise about to explode...

Finally... I locate my phone... that happens to of fallen down behind my bed... that happened to turn it self on... that also happens to be buzzzz'ing...

Mom's still on my case and finally... I yell, "Whatttttttttttttttttt!"

Not a good thing to do, to your mother.

Now, I have to go say I'm sorry but you know what? I don't want too! How is that for immature behavior, Huh? HUh?

Oh and on top of that... before I screamed... I mean... yelled, "Whattttt!" -- She informs me, "Your not going to Florida next weekend!"

Well... Thank you, Mom.

By the way, maybe I should kindly tell her... "hey, don't touch my money that I've been trying so hard to save..." -- Opps, I guess your not going to Florida for the wedding either.

Wow, I'm really in a pissy ass mood... Huh?

Grrrrrrrr... I'm going back to bed... hoping I wake up on the better side of the bed...

Updates and stuff...

2006-05-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Weight Loss - It's not doing so good. I've kinda put it on the back burner the last few weeks. And ya know, I'm totally feelin it too. Isn't funny how, when you eat healthy... you just feel better! When will I just learn, huh?

Foot - The pain started coming back about 3 days ago... The doctor put another shot in it on tuesday. Hopefully, this time it'll fully go away. Only time will tell..

Bob - We're still talking, daily. It's been really nice. And we're making plans to meet early June! I'm kinda excited about that... Wish us luck... BUT... He better get the whole idea of tickling me out of his little head, cause ya know... It's totally not gonna happen!

Also...

Check this out... Heh...

Last weekend, my nephew was playing outside... When it was time to come in for a nap... Well... He didn't want too... So he did everything possible to stay out side... Include pick me the wild flowers in the picture... isn't that sweet? :-)

It's funny though... when he started bringing me one at a time... the stems bigger and bigger... then when he ran out of flowers... he decided just to bring grass in...

Silly lil monkey...

WHOOA!

2006-05-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

I did it! I did it!

How you like my new template? I've been debating on learning how to do this for awhile but finally thought, "what the heck!"

It was much easier then I suspected...
Hope you like it...

Jokes & Pictures...

2006-05-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

I found this the other day on myspace... It made me laugh a bit because I feel that way everytime I step on that darn scale...

Also, I finally got around to uploading pictures from my computer to online... If you'd like to see... The link is below but I'll only leave it up for a couple days...

Link: http://s62.photobucket.com/albums/h85/shrinkingprincess/

Enjoy the photos... and look how adorable my nephew is? :-)

A lil speechless...

2006-05-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge believer that sometimes things do happen for a reason...
My only problem is... I always close up and don't allow them to... well... ya know happen or just make bad decisions.

But this time... I dunno, things just seem different... very different and for once I'm trying my best to just sit back and enjoy...

With that being said, enjoy the poems that Bob wrote...
I think he summed it up quite well for both of us... but shhhh... don't tell him! ;-)

"dispersion of despair" by me

my mind is exhausted, trying to find
a way
to express myself to the
one who i hold dear, the one to
clear the mists of desolation, to hold my
hand and show me
kindness still exists, and happiness is attainable.

the irony... i need not speak a word.
for she seems to be a part of me.
~~~~~~
"immortal" by me
screams in the night, shadows
crawl and seep
between flesh and fears.
time stops, only
for a moment
as eyes lock, and tears well up. for
time will start again and night
will make her rounds as usual.
but fear not, my love. we
will beas one soon enough. and our being
will become immortal.

Also, you know... know one has ever written me anything... I was quite surprised to find this in my e-mail... So much I think I blushed about 3 shades red... It's a shame there wasn't a camera near by!

One other thing... I had permission to post these... I hope that no one copy/pastes them...

Quote & Stuff...

2006-05-03T20:42:00.000-07:00

I found this quote on someones WLS Profile today...

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." -Maureen Dowd

I love it.
It can be any true'er? (Is that even a word? I don't think so!)

Oooh... I'm also doing alot better since that last post. (Thanks to Mr. Bob!) I'm not completely sure what I'm gonna do next but I'm not giving up...

I do... have a month off from classes though... I should find something productive to do with the time... Or start going through stuff and tossing things I don't use for when I move/sell this place...

Fun times are ahead, huh? It'll be interesting for sure...

BTW - I still can't stop drinking this damn Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream... I only have one can left! :-(

Biggest Loser, Ever.

2006-05-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

I failed this semester. badly.

I want to blame it on someone, anyone... but I realize that be pretty freakin childish. But... this semester was just so hard... It wasn't really the classes though, it was everything going on around me.

The brother. The nephew. The parents. The money. The no bathroom for a month in half. No water for a month, due to the hot water tank busting. The foot problem. Blah.

And ya know, I'm the type of person that does my homework at night... but half those nights I had a nephew and brother in the background and I couldn't put my full attention towards the work... I'd just put it off in my head and say, "Oh I'll do it when there gone, or tomorrow, or whenever." but that time never came and I just put it off again.

I'm such a dumb ass. Or maybe college just isn't for me.

This mistake will cost me about $500 bucks, isn't that just freakin fantastic?

I wanna finish so badly... be happy... Leave this living situation that I'm in... but sometimes I wish I would come to terms with this will be my life... things won't get better... Although, my redheaded stubborness doesn't want to believe that and I keep fighting and fighting...

I'm just not sure how much more fighting I can do...
Every-freakin-day is a struggle...
Then you look around... and see how easy some folks have it... It's just not fair... Why me? Why's it have to be so hard? WHY?

I realize... no one really has the answer to that question but man... *sigh* it's just not fair.

You know what's even crazier... I met this guy... that doesn't live that far from me... we talk non-stop... there's never a dull moment or quiet moment... and so freakin alike that it's almost kinda creepy...

But... I can't stop wondering why, why does he like me? I'm just this huge freakin mess but atleast I'm some what upbeat half the time, right?

What's kinda crazy about this is... I like being alone... Which I know will come off to some as, "Oh yeah right - You almost got with a married guy." That mostly happened because of our past history together and finally being able to put our stories together and finding out the truth.

I was just silly enough to go past my morals and think I could, possibly be involed with someone.. married. I'm glad I realized what a HUGE mistake that was before it actually happened.

But it sure is strange how things turned out...

But I still worry about whether I should get to involved.
Cause look at my post... I'm a complete mess.

It gets better, it's gotta get better.
People make mistakes but it seems as thought I've made this mistake more times then I can count.

But as the ol quote says, "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." (Is that the correct wording?)

Maybe. Just maybe that's true.

BTW - Go say Hi, to Bob... He's a pretty cool guy... a bit on the geek side though...

....
Edit: I just re-read my post and... boy, did I jump around on topics or what? I'd try to fix it but I'm just not in the mood - stupid tears.

Someone pass the ice cream, please?

I heart....

2006-04-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

Now, I know that WLS patients arent' suppose to have carbonated drinks. Of course, this is a debate that many folks have and will never truely agree or disagree.

However, I stayed away from them for a good 2 years... and odd enough didn't miss them much. Probably helped my teeth out in the long run too.

Anyhow, I think I'm in a little bit of trouble though... I recently found Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream... and I just completely fell in love with the taste.

Mmmm... yummm... I love anything raspberry. Love. Love. LOVE.

It's funny though... Last night I was talking to Bob on the phone and everytime I'd take a sip... I'd have to remind him how great it was. Of course, he kinda started to laugh at me but ya know, I bet he was just jealous he couldn't have some. Heh.

Love.

2006-04-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

I found this awhile back and found it on my computer tonight... It sure makes me realize what a dork I was for even thinking I should get mixed up with... the ol friend of mine.

I'm just glad I realized it sooner... rather then later.

I deserve so much better... all the stuff that's mentioned in the silly graphic on the side. Every women does. Every one of my WLS single girls do too.

And ya know... Someday every one of us will find it... Till then... I'll keep working on me and the drama/stress in my life.

Does the stress ever go away though? Most likely no... but hey atleast I'll have a cuddle buddy when the person walks in to my life... LOL!

Huge decisions.

2006-04-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

I have to make a decision. A big decision. Something I've never had to do before in my life and I gotta admit... I'm a little scared. Well... ALOT scared.

Do I sell my place? Keep it? Move it? What? Decisions man, decisions.

I think the parents are finally leaning towards selling the land... which makes me happy. VERY happy but that means... I'll be homeless, well sorta.

When I was 19 - my father bought a trailer, well with my money. I've always *hated* this place. Hated. It. I hated it so much, I never really took care of it the way I should have... It's still in good shape for being a trailer though... only because I just put about $4,500 bucks into it - probably more though...

Heck, this place is now in better shape... then it was when I first bought it. The floors have double wood and nice wooden floors. The bath room? We tore the old bathroom out and re-did everything. I mean, everything. It's fantastic, I love the new bath room.

My point? The idea of selling it and getting another one... Is kinda dumb. Plus, we went and looked at trailers yesterday -- Only shit have the prices gone up on those things. The sales guy blamed it on the hurricane... uh whatever.

Plus, why would I sell it now... only to trade it in for another one? The next one will be a piece of shit with crappy floors.

Also, have I mentioned how much I HATE trailers? Everyone always thinks trailers = white trash and that is not even close to the truth...

So... What do I do? I've thought about getting an apartment but apartments are expensive... Most likely cost more then I pay now... with all the rent, gas, electric, water, and etc.

PLUS, if I get an apartment... I'll have to get a roommate because I wont' be able to afford it. That alone is kinda scary to me... I've lived alone for 6 years, until the brother moved in around January.

*sigh* Decisions. To many decisions.

Another idea that my mom has put out there... I could sell the trailer... break completely even and pay of the mortagage payment... then go to the bank and build a small cottage... the cottage could be built on the next piece of land they buy, where ever that may be... it most likely won't be in this state.

To many decisions. And the hardest part about it... they've not completely decided what they're gonna do... Which makes this all even a bit harder.

I do feel... If I go ahead and sell it now and move in to an apartment... they'd just sell the place and move on because of one of there biggest worries is, "What will she do? How can we kick her off?"

And... I agree 100000000% they need to sell this place. Neither of my parents are healthly. Neither of them have it in them to take care of 30 acres... Let alone finish the house they started building last summer.

New Products!

2006-04-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

I'm such a dork. Really. I was SO excited to find out that Crystal light finally makes a fruit punch drink. I've not tasted it, yet... but I'm hoping that it's just as good, if not better then Hawaiian punch.

This is only 5 calories a drink, instead of 10 calories...

This would save me over 40 calories a day... That's if I drink more then 8 glasses a day.

Yay, for Crystal light.

By the way, have you seen everything else they've come out with? Kinda pricey but worth it sometimes.

Link - Crystal Light, did you know KRAFT owned them? I had no idea...

Happy Drinking Folks!

ALSO... Another new favorite is Diet Soda Pop Popsicles! Ooh I love them. Love. Them. Heck, I think there better then just the diet/sugar free fruit popsicles but hey, that's just my opinion!

There only 15 calories...

Yum. Yum.

ALSO... When I was looking for a picture of the Diet soda pops... I found THESE...

Sugar-free Life Saver Pops... Oooh... I'll be keeping an eye out for those in the stores!

Link - All Sugar-free Popsicle Products.

Comments.

2006-04-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda new to blogging -- Well, not the writing part but more of the whole... getting comments. Are there rules to replying to comments? How do you do that? Most times, I don't get an e-mail address...

Anyhow...

I did want to answer one of my comments... So she'd have a better understanding and not think I'm straving myself...

ArleneWKW said...
Okay, I'mprobably being bothersome
here but, . . . that sounds like a starvation diet to me. Of course I'm not sure
of what you're supposed to be eating with your gastric bypass surgery but it
seems to me that you could get rid of the weight with far many calories than
you're allowing yourself. You'd be allowed approx. 1800 calories on a Weight
Watchers program, less as you get rid of the lbs. (At approx. 168 lbs., I allow
myself approx. 1400 calories, 25 points, a day.) Also, what above fruits and
veggies, even if only in juice form. And other non-sweet protein sources, eggs,
beans, etc. No wonder you find it difficult to remain on track. I'd have a hard
time doing your diet for a short spurt. Long term, there's no way. I imagine
you're under a doctor's care with this. But it doesn't sound like good nutrition
or a healthful lifestyle to me. Just my two cents. I hope I'm not offending you,
but . . .

I undersatand where your coming from, Arlene... But when it comes to WLS patients and our diet... We are more concerned about getting the protein in, then the calories. The little bit I ate that day was actually because of a little trick my doctor taught me... If you drink protein shakes in place of *real* food... It'll shrink your pouch back to it's orginial size... Which in turn helps you to boost your weight loss a little bit and also keeps you from over-eating.

I wouldn't suggest anyone to eat that way... EVER. It's just with a pouch, sometimes things are different.

I hope that makes sense?

The only thing I'm really worried about as far as my diet goes... is getting in more liquids. Thankfully, I can replace *some* water with LIGHT drinks, like crystal light, light hawaiian punch...

YEAH!

2006-04-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

My brother got a job!
A REAL job -- making REAL money!

He'll still be living with me but since he got a job... he's really been helping out around here. Which makes me less pissed off about the situation. And once he pays off the debt he owes me... He'll start paying some RENT... YEAH! More money for me!

Oooh and since getting my feet checked by the doctor... I've lost another 7 pounds! How awsome is that? I knew once I got this problem fixed... weight would start pouring off me again!

Life is, indeed, getting better!

Whoooa Baby!

2006-04-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

The other night my friend and I were exchanging pictures on yahoo... I ran across some old pictures that I completely forgot I had... We happened to be on the phone while exchanging pictures and all I could keep saying is, "Holy shit! WOW!"

I think he was laughing at me... atleast, until I showed him what I was lookin at!

See for yourself...

I was at a Mardi Gra party... about a month before my surgery...
I guess... I had no idea how big I really got...
All I can think of now is, "Damn, what a fat cow!"

Here's a picture now...

This was taken the other night, while I was in bed...
I couldn't sleep... So I thought I'd be silly...

But... holy shit... Look at the difference?!

Back on Track!

2006-04-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah! I'm mobile again... Waking up in the morning, didn't feel like death. First time in a year! I'm so glad I'm back on the right track!

Yesterday, I weighed... I managed to stay the same! How awsome is that? :-) 377.6!

Today's menu was...

Slimfast creamy chocolate -- 190/10
Cottage cheese 1/2 cup -- 130/12
Raspberry yogurt -- 80/7
Slimfast creamy chocolate -- 190/10
Raspberry jello w/ cool whip -- 30/2 (I'm guessin here)
Sugar-free fudgesicle -- ?/? (I need to check the box)
Sugar-free fudgesicle -- ?/? (again, need to check the box)

Total -- 620/41... Heh, not bad but I need to find the calorie/protein for those fudgesicles, damn it!

Also, wouldn't it be awsome to go back to my foot doctor and be all, "Oh yeah! I lost (fill in the blank) this week sense you bandaged my foot up!" -- YEAH! That's my goal! WOOT! WOOT!

I love this positive attitude! It's funny how foot pain, to the degree I had it, could put me in such a depression mode!

Life is gettin better...

2006-04-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

This is a repost - from a message board I post on...
~~~~~~
Who wants to have a drink with me?

No. Really.

For those of you that met me in the smokies, especially those in the cabin I shared... Know how much trouble I've been having with my feet. I was pop'in pills every few hours just to get some sort of relif...

(Which, by the way, I never take THAT many pills at home... I just wanted to try and have a good time!)

Anyhow....

Today I finally went to a foot specialist/podiatric doctor and had my feet checked on... Since I was a *new* patient it took awhile to get in...

But the good news is... We finally got an answer to what is wrong and I'm on the road to recovery! YAY! Apparently, I have what they call, "Plantar Fasciitis"... Just a very server case because my PCP didn't recommend going to a specialist sooner... *sigh* Where not completely sure if I have a heal spur yet...

He gave me a shot in my foot and some other stuff was put on it... (Hey, I don't know the doctor terms)... then he taped my foot up with some special padding and such. Then I have to sleep with this special boot for a week.

In a week, when I go back we'll see what the next step is... Since it's already feeling a bit better... I don't think I'll have to have surgery. *crosses fingers*

Either way, I can't wait to start being MORE mobile! My weight will FINALLY start coming off again... He "Okay'ed" me to ride my bike but said no walking... well, not the 'work-out' type walking.

Anyhow... This is such a huge relif of stress off me... And hopefully, I'll be able to kick this depression bull shit out the door because I'll be MOBILE!

GOOOOOOOOOOO ME!

Relationship, stuff.

2006-04-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

Life is so strange sometimes.

I feel like my heart is on the line but I'm not sure what to do. I'm never good at taking risks, especially when it comes to relationships. It's always easier to close up and be single.

However, I've been re-connecting with an old friend/old flame/whatever you want to call him... and I must admit it's been fun but he's stuck in a crappy marriage. *sigh*

There's a long story that goes with this...

We went out almost 2'ish years ago - before my surgery. It was great. I really liked him but I was a fat cow back then and was shy as hell. So a friend told him that I didn't like him and he moved on. What really burns my ass is, she used him as a fuck buddy until her man moved into town.

This, of course, breaks my heart.
I thought she was a friend.
I thought she was someone I could trust and talk too.

The funny thing is... I never knew any of this until about a month ago. I always thought my friend just changed because of my surgery. Or maybe I just changed. It's funny how the truth has a way of coming out, sooner or later.

But now...

I'm getting to know him again. And in a weird way, he makes me a different person, in a good way too. And even know there's alot of bull shit going on in my life... He actually makes me smile... laugh...

But...

I'm afraid. What if I let him in again? And the same results happen? What if they decide not to get a divorce? What if I'm reading between the lines to much?

Despite the fact, I'm afraid of all this... Every part of me says, "Risk it!" which is kinda odd - I've never had that sort of feeling for anyone.

*sigh*

Life is easier when your single and closed up...

Positive Things...

2006-04-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

I realize this blog has become one heck of a depressing place... And really, my life isn't that bad it just seems that way...

So... Today is all about positive things!

~Easter is next weekend.
~My nephew will be here for 4 days and being around him makes me a happy girl.
~I've been able to re-connect with an old friend... well old flame or something like that.
~My oldest brother will be here on Friday and is staying the weekend.
~I have so many good friends... It's just said we all live in different states or miles away.
~The weather is beautiful.

Hmm.. I'm sure there's more but that's it for now! I *need* to get to my homework, despite the fact I'd rather keep pretending it's not due soon.

Quote

2006-04-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

"The purpose of our lives is to be happy"

Insight from the Dalai Lama

I love this quote...
Sometimes I forget that's what's important...

No Title.

2006-04-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

I have it all figured out. Really, I do.

Ya know, when you first start a diet... you get that excited feeling inside, like this time it's really going to work.

I've lost that feeling.

And the depression is slowly... well okay not-so-slowly creepy back into my life. Which I hate... And I really. REALLY. hate the idea of taking anti-depression pills. I pick up the RX every month and every month the bottle sits in my bathroom, untouched.

What really bugs me is... I know what I should be doing! Hell, I could write a diet book... if I was better at writing, of course. LOL. But why can't I follow my own advice? Why?

I'm not ready to give up...
but waking up every morning in unbearable pain doesn't help wanting to keep fighting towards my goals.

*sigh*

I wanna give up, but I don't want to give up. I deserve to accomplish all this. I deserve a hell of alot more then I usually believe but why can't I get there? Why?

Going Crazy.

2006-03-31T09:31:00.000-08:00

I've had enough of all this bull shit going on around me. Enough. Done. Completely. But I can't do anything about it. I can't kick the brother out, no matter how much I want too. If I kick him out, where the hell would he go? WHERE?

I do realize, this isn't my problem but for-god-fucking-sake... I think, I may loss my mind soon.

The whole situation is just messed up...

I mean... on one hand... I realize he did ALOT of work for me back in January. Fixed my hot water tank, fixed the floors in my bedroom, spare bedroom, laundry room, and hall way... Then put down new wooden floors. Then he re-did my entire bathroom from top to bottom. It all looks fantastic. He's about to do the kitchen floor too. Then my place will look damn good, expect the living room but I don't want to put new carpet down while my nephew is still living here because the first time he gets juice on it... I'll be pisssssed.

Now... on the other hand... how long should I let him take advantage of me? He's not paying rent, or water, or electric, or anything for that matter. I'm not asking him too but don't you think he could help around my house... just a little bit?

I mean... when you put A's diaper in the garbage and it's overflowing... do you really think it be that hard for him to take the bag out? I mean.. honestly? And what about the dishes? Half the time it's A's sippy cups... you don't think he could wash those? What about the purple rocks all over my living room floor, his son dumped them all over the place... don't you think he could clean that up, instead of leaving it there? I got the fish bowl/rocks so that we could get a gold fish and A could help with it.

Then on top of ALL of that... I got a family plan, so that the brother could get away from his EX... The bill was due 2 days ago... The first bill, which we all know is usually alot of money... He didn't give me a freakin dime... NOTHING. Zip. Zero. I swear, if he doesn't pay next months bill I'm taking his number off the plan. I do him a favor and this is how he returns it. Great. Just great.

Grrr.

I could go on and on but it'll just upset me more and what's the point of that... I already ate a whole thing of sugar-free ice cream bars... in 2 days though. Not in one setting. But still... Stress makes a fat girl eat.

Fuck. Grrr.

Silly Meme.

2006-03-29T05:05:00.000-08:00

YOU

Relationship Status: Single
Shoe size : Depends on the shoe
Parents still together? Yes
Siblings: 2 older brothers
Pets: None. :-(

FAVORITES

Color: Purple
Number: 2
Animal: puppies & dogs
Book: Some weight-loss book, I forget the title
Flower: Daisy

DO YOU...

Twirl your hair? Sometimes
Have tattoos? No, but I'm debating on getting one after the weight-loss.
Cheat on tests? I have before. *sigh*
Like roller coasters? I've never been one on, maybe someday.

OPINIONS...

Wish you could live somewhere else? Almost, everyday.
Write in cursive or print? Both, depends on what I'm writing.
Own a cell phone? Yes.
Current clothing: Pj's
Current hair: Natural red, layered, and shoulder-length. -- Trying to grow it.
Current thing I ought to be doing: Homework.
Current CD in stereo: Nothing, my nephew is sleeping.
Last movie you saw: I fell asleep watching, "Sweet November" last night.
Last thing you ate: Raspberry yogurt
Life on other planets? Sure.
Do you hate yourself? Somedays.
Collect anything? Hmm... No. I stoped doing that... Mainly tired of crap sitting around my house.

ARE YOU...

A daydreamer: Yes.
Sarcastic: Sometimes.
Shy: Sometimes, depends on who I'm around.
Talkative: Yes.

WOULD YOU RATHER...

Get your nose or lip pierced? Uh. Neither.

ARE YOU...

Simple or complicated? Pretty simple.

ABOUT YOU

What time is it: 7:40
Nickname(s): KatieBug

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Where do you want to live: I've not decided yet but a small cottage house in the courty sounds nice.
How many kids do you want: None, but maybe someday. :-)
What kind of job do you want: Working with computers or Accounting.
Do you want to get married: Hopefully, someday.

UNIQUE

Nervous Habits: I can't think of anything.
Are you double jointed? No.
Can you roll your tongue? Yes.
Can you raise one eyebrow? No.
Can you cross your eyes? No..
Do you make your bed daily? Hah. Not always.

CLOTHES, ETC.

Which shoe goes on first: Whichever one is closest to my feet.
Ever thrown one at someone: Hah. I'm sure I have at some point.
How much money do you carry in your wallet: $5-$20

IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU...

Bought something: Of course.
Gotten sick: Yes. Stupid cold.
Sang: Alone at my computer.
Felt stupid: YES. :-(
Missed someone: Yes.
Gotten your hair cut: No.
Watched cartoons: Yes, with the nephew.
Lied: Not that I'm aware of.

LAST PERSON WHO...

Slept in your bed: No one. *sigh*
Saw you cry: No one.
Made you cry: Situations.
Saw a movie with you: Brother & Nephew.

HAVE YOU EVER...

Been to California: No.
Been to Canada: Yes.
Wished you were the opposite sex: Ick. No way.
Snuck out of the house: Nope. Never.

Thank You.

2006-03-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I've not updated in quite some time. Life seems to of taken a few odd turns lately. I'm still not completely sure where the roads are going to lead me but it'll be intersting to find out.

However, I wanted to say "Thank You" to each one of you that commented on my last post. I can't tell you how much your words met to me. I still find it hard to believe complete strangers would even care about my surgery/life.

Thank you. *Hugs*

Also, on March 24, 2006 - it was my 2 year re-birthday. I spent it cleaning my house from top to bottom. It wasn't a good day because it made me realize I wasted a whole year... only lossing 40 pounds.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

And yes, I know what all of my friends are going to say, "But you've came so far..." or "you've done a great job..." or whatever. But I know deep down... I could of done better. A hell of alot better and I really don't even have a good excuse on why I didn't.

Atleast, I can learn from my mistakes.... right? :-) Just tell my head that, next time I wanna bite in to a cookie, will ya? Ugh.

Thanks, again ya'll.

Total

2006-03-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

Here's my complete total loss... since my surgery.

Not to bad... I just wish it was better! :-(

Weekly Weight-In

2006-03-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

Finally, another few pounds lost! :-) I'm doing a little better since my last post...
Thank goodness...

A complete mess...

2006-03-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

I've sat down to write this post atleast 5 times and everytime I delete the whole thing... Then walk away.

I don't know what's wrong with me... I can sit at the computer and start crying at the drop of a hat... I don't even feel like myself... I even feel like I'm bothering all my friends and just want to stay away... My family is getting on my last nerve...

If a friends honest to me about anything... I feel like their just being mean and want me to go away. Which could be true, who knows.

I can't seem to stay on track with this whole weight-loss thing...

I'm just ready to give up... on everything. Which I know isn't the right thing to do but it seems like I'll never be at goal. Ever.

When do you finally come to terms with the fact, your weight will always be a problem... you'll never be 'normal'... Then again, what the hell is normal anyway?

Uh..

2006-03-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

You are sad because of your fear

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla

How can a silly quiz... seem to be so true? Crazy.

Feelin trapped...

2006-03-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

Ever had this feeling inside but couldn't quite describe it... Then again, I really suck at putting things down in words... which makes me wonder why I even started this stupid blog in the first place.

I just know at the moment... I just feel trapped.

My brother moved into my place in January... Ashton, my nephew, lives here part of the week...

I've lived alone for over 6 years... Having to watch what I say, Having to answer to someone else, Having to share my bathroom-kitchen-house-everything...

*shrug*

I'm trying so hard not to loss my temper over this entire situation... but I'm not sure how much longer I can last...

I just want to sit at my computer, in my pj's, with my music on... and not have to worry about someone walking in on me... or whatever.

Blah.

Home.

2006-02-28T01:52:00.000-08:00

The smokies trip was amazing... It was a weekend that I won't forget, ever. It was so strange though... To feel so close to these people, but yet it was the first time meeting them. It's funny how this surgery not only gave me my life back... but I also was able to make some life long friends.

The picture on the right - Is a picture someone took while we were in Gatlinburg walking the streets... Can you believe how happy I look? Aww I was in so much pain though! LOL! That's what you get for falling down a step while being a tiny bit tipsy. Oh well.

The only thing about this weekend... that I'd change is seeing my old friend Darren. He's not a WLS buddy but someone I've known for over 5 years. I didn't think he'd actually show up to see me but he did... and the minute I saw him - It was fantastic.

We spend sometime together and talked... Okay, maybe there was a few kisses and many hugs between us... but what I don't get is... Why would this guy want to be with me so damn badly, but yet claims we'd never work in a relationship? I mean, doesn't it mean something that we've been friends for over 5 years. We've stuck together through alot of bull shit -- His divorces, His life changes, My life changes, My surgery... and oh so much more.

Even know I wonder about us... at the same time I'm proud of myself for walking away and not getting in his truck for some... uh fun times. That alone showed I'm growing up and become a much stronger person.

I did enjoy the hugs and kisses though. :-)

Life's good... but I wish this weekend never had to end. It's sad that all these fantastic friends I've made... all have to live in a different state.

Interesting...

2006-02-20T08:27:00.000-08:00

I found this on the post secret blog and... Wow.
This, indeed, makes you think.

Wanna Play Twister, Baby?

2006-02-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

Whoooa~

I want this bedspread!

Smokies!

2006-02-17T07:01:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it! I'll soon get to meet ALL of my WLS buddies! People that have been there for me through thick and thin... People that have taught me the difference between friends and good friends...

It's going to be amazing but I'm starting to get nervous! Maybe even a little bit afraid! How stupid is that? They've all been in the same boat as me and understand the struggles that I face daily...

*sigh*

It's gonna be fun! I just know it! Damn it! What am I going to wear?

Fruit Crisp...

2006-02-16T18:24:00.000-08:00

Today, I wanted to try something different but healthy...

Slim-Fast Optima Fruit Crisp
Cherry Crisp

180 calories
12 g. sugar
8 g. protein

Not very yummy. I love dried cherries and fresh cherries but this bar seemed to be tasteless. Of course, paying $5.66 for a box -- I'll be finishing them off... slowly!

Anyone that reads this blog -- Have any good ideas for something new? Some what high in protein/low calories? I'd love some suggestions! I've been doing the mini meal plan for the last 2-3 weeks and loving it!

I heart jeans!

2006-02-16T16:41:00.000-08:00

I just tried on a pair of 28W jeans and they FIT! They actually ZIP and I didn't have to lay on the bed and FORCE them together! WOOT! However, I do need to loss another 10'ish pounds for them to feel good on but hey, they fit! Heh...

I've gotten rid of all my *fat pants* though -- No more jeans in a size 32W or 34W or 36W! I hope they went to a good home but I'm glad there out of my closet! Plus, it was getting rather annoying pulling them up everytime I walked 5 steps!

Of course, it be nice to find a pair of jeans that doesn't make me feel like I'm growing a monkey in the crotch! Grrr! Annoying!

Random non-sense...

2006-02-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

Ever have all this stuff just floating around in your head... but your just not sure how to put it out there in words? Maybe it just seems easier to keep it inside... crawl into bed and cry a few tears...

*shrug*

Yesterday, was Valentine's day... I'm not the type to hate the holiday but this year it's just... I can't help to wonder why I'm single. I always seem to get involved with the wrong poeple and always during the wrong times in my life.

It's funny though... every time I start to like someone... some girl wins her chance or a best friend of his decided she wants to be with him.

Oh well.

Always the friend but never the girlfriend. I'm getting better at accepting that, way better.

As for all the other stuff floating in my head... I'd rather not get into right now...

Tuesday Weigh-In

2006-02-14T16:52:00.000-08:00

Oh joy...

2006-02-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

My brother offically moved his stuff into my house today. I'm trying really hard not to let out tears or anything...

*deeep sigh*

I can get through this -- It's a good deed! Really!
Plus, it's not about just Brian -- It's about Ashton... the child! This is what's best for him!

Weigh-In Tuesday

2006-02-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

This wasn't the greatest week but seeing we've had... My father's, Grandmothers, and my birthday all in the last 2 weeks -- which is 2 freakin birthday cakes! Ugh! Thank goodness, everyones birthday is finally over! Now I can kick some major butt and get this weight off!

Party Time!

2006-02-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

Today is my 25th birthday... and I gotta admit it's been a shitty birthday! I didn't even get to spend it with my favorite little man, Ashton. And everyone is going to Tunica for the Super Bowl, which leaves me home all alone.

Go me.

My parents took me out to dinner - I guess that was my birthday gift? Who knows. :-/

Oh well... another birthday bites the dust... maybe next year will be better.

Tuesday Weigh-In

2006-01-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

Fear.

2006-01-10T06:36:00.000-08:00

Due to my water tank breaking...

I've been forced to clean out my clothes and get rid of things I don't like or don't wear anymore... But for some odd reason I'm completely afraid of getting rid of my fat clothes. I know I'll never need them again and I know I don't want them here to lean back on...

Yet, there's a fear of getting rid of them. How stupid is that?

I realize after I lost the first 200 pounds... I stopped losing weight. Of course that was my own fault... And at this point, I feel that I'm back to the right frame of mind.

So with that being said -- How do I get rid of this fear? I don't need them. Really. I don't.

Weekly Weigh-In

2006-01-09T16:55:00.000-08:00

Whooa! I lost 8.1 pounds last week! And I gotta admit -- I wasn't watching what I ate very well. Last week was just about a nightmare, which I'll probaby write about later!

Subway

2006-01-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

I just found this website, while surfing blogs. And I dunno... Apart of me wants to say, "Geez, you've got to be kidding me!", then another part of me says... "Cool! I want Jared to call me too!".

Here's the link...

http://www.subwaymessages.com/

Mmm Peanut butter...

2006-01-04T01:00:00.000-08:00

Today, I found these yummy peanut butter chocolate chip rice cakes.... I figured they'd taste like cardboard because lets face it -- ALL rice cakes do. ~Lol~

However, being a peanut butter addict -- They were pretty yummy! They'd be better with some peanut butter spread on top though... Plus, the peanut butter would add a bit of protein to the snack/meal.

Tuesday Weigh-In

2006-01-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

My WLS buddies, parents, and I all decided to have Tuesday as our 'weigh-in' day. I was absolutely afraid to get on the scale today. I've not been very active in the last 4 to 6 months because of all the pain I've been going through with my feet/ankles.

I, however, bit the bolt and got on the scale... I really thought it was going to be worse, much worse. Thankfully, I only gained about 17 pounds.

My first goal is to get to 370 ~ Then I'll be able to weigh at home, instead of at one of those quarter machines at the outlet mall...

Another Fat Girl's Story

2006-01-03T07:54:00.000-08:00

I had gastric bypass surgery on March 24, 2004. The picture on the left was taken before my surgery. I had hit the 600 pound mark on scale, at the age of 23 years old. Isn't that lovely?

Blah.

I was so assumed of myself and embarrassed for anyone that had to be seen with me. However, I never really allowed my size to get in the way of life... at least, that's what I always tried to tell myself.

My surgery went well -- I ended up in ICU for 2 days because of fever and loss of blood. They wanted to do a blood transfusion but my parents begged them to hold out. Thankfully, I was okay and was able to go to a regular room.

The first year went by pretty quick. I was enjoying life for a change and loss of food wasn't really an issue. I even managed to loss over 200 pounds. It was the most fantastic moment of my life because I thought for once I was over coming my weight problems...

Little did I know that my issues with food would start to creep back up... It's been a fight for the last 6 months to get on track, stay on track, keep losing the weight.

However, on top of fighting the head-game-food-hunger-whatever... I started getting pain in my feet/ankles. My doctor didn't have clue to what was going on with me. We had x-rays done and they came back fine. Another doctor thought maybe I swollen arches... but needless to say, the pain is still there. Some days are worse then others and the medicine doesn't always work, despite the fact I'm taking 3 to 4 voltaren's a day.

I finally do realize... the pain is just my body's way of accepting all the changes it's gone through in the last 18 months. And the fact I was becoming healthy, eating right, walking... then BOOM... I just stopped... Hopefully, this time around I've learned from my past mistakes and take advantage of everything that's helped me get this far...

Uh huh...

2006-01-02T20:26:00.000-08:00

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Be kinky more often.

Get your resolution here

Right.
That sounds like a great resolution, now I just need to find someone to do that with!

Why am I doing this?

2006-01-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

I keep asking myself, "Why am I trying to do this whole blog thing again?" -- Then this article on MSN hits me in the face this morning. Can we say, "Duh!"...

..............

Diet & Nutrition
Journaling: The Inexpensive Cure for Emotional Eating
by Jeffrey Wilbert, PhD, for iVillage

Q:
I realize I'm an emotional eater, and I've had a weight problem for many years. I'm ready to do something about it, but I don't have the finances to seek counseling. What can I do to help myself?

A:
Let's talk about two of the most powerful self-help tools around: pen and paper.

Research studies show that those who are most likely to succeed at losing weight and keeping it off utilize a technique called self-monitoring. What's self-monitoring? Simply put, it's keeping track of yourself. It means tuning into your thoughts, feelings, goals and strategies. It involves charting your progress and rewarding your successes. It's also a way to engage in healthy self-expression, which is a key ingredient to changing a long-standing emotional relationship with food.

There are many specific ways to self-monitor. One of the oldest (and most frightening!) is to keep a record of daily caloric intake. Almost all traditional dieting strategies involve some form of this technique, so most of us are sick of doing it. Although burdensome, it is a way to become accountable to ourselves, and if we stick with it, it can be a potent method of staying on track with weight loss goals. However, most emotional eaters need to broaden the age-old food log and turn it into a "food and feelings" log, because it's not only important to tally how much you eat, but also why you eat it. Identifying the feelings and issues that trigger and accompany overeating is a crucial step toward developing healthy eating patterns.

Another powerful mode of self-monitoring is to keep a daily journal. Writing is therapeutic! Studies have shown that those who write about their feelings tend to improve not only their emotional health, but their physical health as well. In fact, one study showed that arthritis sufferers who wrote about traumatic life experiences showed a decrease in joint pain! A journal can be a private place to express your innermost thoughts and feelings, a place to get some perspective on what you're dealing with and a place to identify issues that might be in your way. Journaling is also an effective way to keep track of your changing inner self, as progress usually takes place in bits and pieces of insight that accumulate over time. Your journal can be a way to look back at where you were so you can appreciate how far you've come.

If you decide to keep a journal, you're doing yourself a big favor. How should you do it? It's an entirely personal decision. Let it be your own creation. If you want to use a fancy bound book of blank sheets, fine. If you want to use the computer, also fine. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, though; the important thing is that you allow yourself freedom to express your uncensored thoughts and feelings. Remember, any form of self-monitoring will help you win your war with weight.

Link: http://health.msn.com/dietnutrition/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100109574

Time to Celebrate!

2005-12-31T22:34:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it's already 2006, the last year has flown by so fast... and I can't even name one thing that I completed or succeed in.

Oh well... Here's to a new year and a fresh start!

Happy New Years Folks! I hope it's a good one for all of us! :-)

Starting over...

2005-12-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

A new year. A new blog. A new start.

Wish me luck. :-)

A Melting Princess' Journal

Final Decision.

Decisions.

As the world turns...

Today...

:-(

Dear Tess...

Ahh!

Foster Kiddo's...

-$800

I just don't give a...

Tina & Mandy

Fuck.

100 Things About Me...

Much needed rant...

Leave your name and...

Out with the old....

Some good news...

Bad Mornings...

Updates and stuff...

WHOOA!

Jokes & Pictures...

A lil speechless...

Quote & Stuff...

Biggest Loser, Ever.

I *heart*....

Love.

Huge decisions.

New Products!

Comments.

YEAH!

Whoooa Baby!

Back on Track!

Life is gettin better...

Relationship, stuff.

Positive Things...

Quote

No Title.

Going Crazy.

Silly Meme.

Thank You.

Total

Weekly Weight-In

A complete mess...

Uh..

Feelin trapped...

Home.

Interesting...

Wanna Play Twister, Baby?

Smokies!

Fruit Crisp...

I *heart* jeans!

Random non-sense...

Tuesday Weigh-In

Oh joy...

Weigh-In Tuesday

Party Time!

Tuesday Weigh-In

Fear.

Weekly Weigh-In

Subway

Mmm Peanut butter...

Tuesday Weigh-In

Another Fat Girl's Story

Uh huh...

Why am I doing this?

Time to Celebrate!

Starting over...

I heart....

I heart jeans!